A walking mommy contradiction

Apologies for the re-post...somehow this got posted for January 17th originally.

You know when you see those episodes of What Not to Wear with the moms that just "never have time to put themselves first" and you think to yourself -- that is NO excuse for pleated khakis*? Well...I have a bit more perspective these days. Although do not get your hopes up that you'll see me on the last page of Glamour in tapered jeans with a wide hip, there are a few things though that I'm shocked to admit about myself these days...

1) I've been wearing nothing but sweatpants for weeks. Well, at least they're wide-legged black yoga pants but who am I kidding - they really don't transition from walks around the lake to dinner. But, I have transitional body, people. I feel silly wearing maternity clothes but still have a lot of weight to lose before I can fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes. And, since I am losing weight, it doesn't seem like a good idea to invest in any clothes that fit now.

2) I recently found myself shopping for Vera Bradley diaper bags rather than Chloe satchels (okay...more drooling than shopping). Vera Bradley is widely considered fashion's nemesis. And quite frankly, I'm not really a girl who shops for accessories at the Hallmark store. But, they make a kickass diaper bag (seriously, who am i?).

3) I've been trolling around town not only in my sweatpants but in (gasp) wireless bras that make my boobs less than perfect. Turns out wire is not good for the boobs when you're nursing. I am actually one of that small percentage that wears a bra in the right size (confirmed by petticoat fair) and I have a lot to work with so it's important that they're "high and tight." I am so ashamed at the state of my current boobage. Have no fear, by the time I go back to work, I'll be back in wire...mastitis be damned.

4) I've considered a "baby on board" sign for the car. Next thing you know, I'll be slapping that puppy on with my Pooh window shade in my minivan. But seriously, would you drive like such an ass if you saw that I was next to you with my newborn? Well, considering you're a big enough d-bag to have a Jet Li vanity plate (dude, you're not even Asian), you probably would. I'll hold off on the sign.

5) And the most shocking of all, I currently own a shoe wardrobe that consists of nothing but sensible shoes...all flat. How sad is this? I am a girl who wears HEELS! I could climb a mountain in heels. I can walk across a wet field without sinking in every step in heels (if you're a real heel-wearer, you know what I mean). I jog in heels. I had every intention of wearing heels throughout my entire pregnancy but then my feet swelled to ham feet. And not only were they ham feet but they also grew. No one tells you this pre-pregnancy. I'm breaking the silence. And, although they're no longer swollen, they are also now too big to fit into most of my beautiful shoes.

What's next...a wash and go haircut and pert plus shampoo? Never say never.

* There is no excuse for pleated khakis.