Ugly Molly Monday

Argh...having trouble with this post. Anyway...hopefully this works so I don't have to retype again!

I think I could start a regular feature called Ugly Molly Monday. I love Molly (not as Michael, but I do love her) but she cannot take a cute picture to save her life. Promise she really is cute in real life. But in pictures...not so much.

AMEN!

A schlong is not a nose...

Heard from one of our presenters on the audio recording of a recent conference session:
"You've got to have a really unique selling proposition. But you can have fun with it. I mean, I know this guy from California that has a really great big schlong. He uses it to his advantage. Puts it on his business card and says, "Knows how to sniff out a great deal." And it works for him. I mean, who wouldn't want to go to the appointment and see the guy with the really big schlong?."

Yes. The man said "schlong" in a room of hundreds. I found it quite amusing until I realized that I really needed to have a conversation with him about it. I mean, he could tell this story every time he teaches. I then agonized over how to explain to one of our top instructors that it does not, in fact, mean nose (he was going for schnoz). Surprisingly, my phone rang Friday and it was him saying, "Hi there, it's been a really schlong time since we last spoke." Someone had come up to him after the class and said "Did you mean schnoz?" I can't stop laughing about it....if I'd been in the room I would've been wondering if I was the only one for whom schlong most certainly does not mean nose. He is NEVER going to live that one down.

I lost my shit at yoga...

It was bound to happen sooner or later. It started with the guy who snores...every time...during resting pose. Who falls asleep that quickly? And why doesn't his wife wake him up? Dear god, be embarrassed! So, I'm in resting pose, not resting because I'm so distracted by the snoring. Then, our teacher decides to teach us this special breathing where you stick your tongue out and sip in loudly, then use your hand, in this special, odd position, to close off one nostril at a time and exhale. As I'm breathing out in this ridiculous way, I lose my shit. This in turn causes Kathy to lose her shit, which in turn causes the woman next to her to lose her shit. It's over. Except it's not over - she continues to lead us in that breathing for what feels like a half an hour. I'm sitting indian (native american?) style with my head in my hands shaking uncontrollably just praying for the end. P.S. When i came home and told Tim I lost my shit at yoga, he said (with hope in his voice), "YOU FARTED?!"

Return from the land of fleece...

It's been a crazy week! I was supposed to be in Orlando wearing Mickey ears but due to an unexpected death in the Mr's family, we headed up to Mass instead. Me: spotted wearing white athletic socks with black flats. A la Michael Jackson. The horror. This is what the freezing cold does to you people - it strips you of any fashion sensibility because you are in strict survival mode. And while I almost prefer frostbitten toes to the look I rocked, the possibility of never wearing beautiful shoes again due to having no toes won out for the night. Glad to be back in sunny Texas where my mom (in town visiting) and I, ate breakfast on an outdoor patio and look a long walk around Town (ahem...Lady Bird)Lake, in t-shirts.

Would you rather...

Stolen from a message board post...what is the lesser of two evils? This was REALLY hard for me, especially without adding a caveat to my answer. My choice in pictures (of course the ugliest one i could find)...

Fringed sandals or gladiator sandals?
Fringed, at least they're a bit more current. Although honestly I'd have to choose an average gladiator sandal over these "chewbacca feet".


stirrups or legwarmers?
Legwarmers! Confession: I have to admit in looking for pics, i don't hate legwarmers as much as maybe i should.


Crocs (classic) or uggs?
Uggs (barf)



Guy in a wife-beater, or guy with overalls
Beater (picture altered to protect the innocent)


Mom jeans or a poncho?
Poncho....ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!


booty shorts or koolots (sp??)
Sadly, culottes (you're welcome world)


pleated jeans or pleated slacks?
jeans


Scrunchi or banana clip?
Scrunchi.


Zima or Boone's Farm?
BOOONES STRAWBERRY HILL! (although, frankly, mad dog over both!)


Dreads or She-mullet?
i thought dreads until i saw these pictures. now i say she-mullet. cleanliness is too important to me



I'm going to have nightmares tonight.